Shame is one of those emotions we prefer not to talk about, yet it has a profound impact on how we see ourselves and others. Especially when shame stems from early childhood trauma and attachment issues, it can significantly hinder you.
Toxic shame can develop if, as a child, you did not receive the emotional support and safety you needed. This can lead to a deep-seated feeling that you are not good enough. Shame then becomes a survival mechanism—you adapt by making yourself invisible, even when you are fully engaged in life.
According to the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) by Laurence Heller, shame is a core aspect of how we experience ourselves and our relationships. If, as a child, you felt unworthy, this can later lead to anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming close relationships. Shame then becomes an invisible barrier that prevents you from being truly yourself.
Shame can be a significant obstacle, but it is possible to work through it. It is not an emotion to run from, but rather something you can process. By making shame a topic of discussion, becoming more aware of your feelings, and approaching yourself with greater compassion, you can gradually loosen its grip and move through life with more freedom.